Why did you really say this?

I would like you to try 2 things. Just in your head. Or out loud. Up to you.

1st: Say the following statement in the MOST NEGATIVE possible way.

“You know, I had a look at your presentation. I think it is too long.”

Try it. Give it a deep, condescending sigh to start with.

Try it again. Really show your disbelief in the other person. Make clear that the person gets they are wrong and that you are upset about it.

Try it a last time. Raise your voice. Increase your pitch. Convey your utter disappointment.

Can you feel your anger?

Now, take a breath and reset. Let’s try it differently.

2nd: Say the following statement in the MOST SUPPORTING possible way.

Try it. Switch on the belief that the other person is a partner. Gently smile and give it a friendly, supporting tone.

Try it again. Really show that you are on the other person’s side. Partner with them. Make clear you share this, so they can succeed.

Try it a last time. Lean in with positive body language. Emphasise specific words, adjust your tone, pace and eye contact until it sounds right.

Can you feel the difference?

The message here is: Intention matters as much (or more) than the actual message. The message someone receives strongly depends on the intention that they feel you have.

So, why are YOU really saying what you are saying?

Are you saying something to win? To be right? To punish? To make someone suffer and learn a lesson?

Or are you saying something to support them? To partner? To help them?

The truth is, unless you are a rare pro, you can’t fake it. Your true intention will seep through the cracks, will easily be read between the lines.

It makes a world of a difference to choose your intention, then convey it.

Give it a go in your next conversation and ask yourself

“Why do I REALLY want to say this?”

Have a good, productive week ahead!