The Stages of Behavior Change

In a workshop last week, I asked people to try getting better at writing with their non-dominant hand. Why? It drove home an important message: that's how the most frustrating behavior change feels.

This exercise perfectly illustrates the journey of behavior change. Here are the 4 stages everyone goes through:

1️⃣ Unconscious Incompetence: You don't know what you don't know

2️⃣ Conscious Incompetence: You know what you don't know (and it's frustrating, like the writing with non-dominant hand)

3️⃣ Conscious Competence: You can do it, but only with focus (it's hard...takes deliberate practice. Lots of it)

4️⃣ Unconscious Competence: It becomes second nature

Here's what's powerful about this: This isn't just theoretical. I've seen executives transform their communication styles by focusing on ONE specific behavior at a time.

Key insight for me: Change doesn't require a personality transplant. It's about moving specific behaviors through these four stages, one at a time, in a methodical way. And to accept that the frustrating step 2 should not lead to cancelling the effort, but that it's part of the process!

What behavior would you like to master?