The Coaching Speed Paradox

There is a paradox in coaching: It may feel slow, yet its results are super-fast.

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Happy Sunday! I hope you had a good week! Grab a coffee/tea and 5 precious minutes and join me on this article about coaching and speed!

Why?

'Coaching is just too slow to work in my case. I need to be direct and fast. I don't have time to ask so many questions.'

That's a common objection that I hear when Leaders try to weigh the pros and cons of that interaction style. It's the second assumptions about coaching that I address in a series of newsletter articles.

Two quick definitions to begin with:

Directing means telling someone what to do, to solve for them and give them solutions. Coaching means helping someone develop own learning and solutions through inquiry.

Here's my argument in a nutshell:

Directing actually feels FAST in the moment, yet the results are likely SLOW.

Coaching actually feels SLOW in the moment, yet the results are likely FAST.

Let's explore this!

Directing feels FAST, yet the results are likely SLOW.

Let's talk about a real case.

Your team member brings up a problem in a 1-1 meeting with you. If you are in the mindset of directing/solving, you are approaching their problem from the perspective of a problem-solver. You will hear them out, so you know how you can fix things for them.

We are used to solving.And why not? After all, solving problems was one of the reasons why you got your role in the first place and what got you promoted. And it is also what we learned from early on in our lives in school. When someone brings you a problem, you solve it! We are more concerned about the quality of the solution.

Having control feels like progress.When you are in this problem-solving mode, you are in control. It feels quick, fast and effective for you to whip up a solution, share it right away, then move on to the next problem. After all, we just dealt with it, right?

There is a negative side effect.But while you got across your message quickly, there was a side effect: your knowledge-worker team member had absolutely no opportunity to develop any innate motivation or ownership to the solution you just gave them. Even worse, it's actually possible that you just gave a 'solution' that they already had in mind, but were not ready to share yet. However, now it feels like you 'stole' it from them.

The best and the worst possible outcome.The best case in this scenario is that the team member manages to deliver, based on discipline and a sense of responsibility to their job and/or to you. The worst case is that they let it slide, don't take it seriously and do a half-hearted job at best. You will have follow-up conversations, where you catch yourself nagging them, asking them for progress, in the end giving them a bad feedback for now delivering.

Well, is that not entirely the team member's fault in that case?

There are two ways to look at this.

Yes, it is mostly the team member's fault. This argument only works when we see the team member fully responsible for their own discipline and motivation, with the Leader playing no role in that. It conforms to an idea of Leadership of the mid-20th century. That is when we expected subordinates to just 'function', follow orders and rules and comply with our 'wisdom' as Leaders. Subordinates ask questions and execute, Leaders answer, solve and direct. And if the work was not done according to instructions, it was the worker's fault.

However, we may also say NO, it is not entirely their fault. Why? There was actually an objectively better way for the Leader to react in that moment to help the team member. A Leader who steps back, slows down in the moment and coaches has a chance to build real, innate motivation in the other person. What worked with factory-workers is madly out-of-date when dealing with purpose-driven knowledge-workers in the 21st century.

So let's talk about the other side of the paradox.

Coaching feels SLOW, yet the results are likely FAST.

We push aside the need to solve.

When you coach instead, you approach a problem brought to you by a team member in a very different manner. Your first instinct might still be to solve for them, present your idea and satisfy that nagging need to be helpful. But you intentionally push that aside, as you know that the person in front of you likely has ideas, recommendations and resources to solve this. After all, that's why you hired them. You know, you just need to make it safe for them to share with you.

We invest some time now to get 'paid' back multiple times.You switch on your curiosity about how they would figure things out. You mentally step back and start to inquire about recommendations by the person and how/why they believe those would work. You ask them what makes it hard for them, what potential obstacles they must overcome. You help them come up and commit to concrete first steps that they WANT to own. And yes, it may take 15 minutes to do that vs 3 min of just sharing orders and solutions. But your team member goes out with a plan that THEY developed, stand behind and are ready to defend.

The best and the worst possible outcome.The best case is that your team member is filled with self-motivation and pushes ahead, feeling ownership and pride in the autonomy and mastery they are able to exercise. They feel resourceful to figure things out. The worst case is that they stumble across an unanticipated obstacle after a while. But as a Leader Coach, you will have identified and addressed most of them in advance. And if not, it will be the perfect topic for your next coaching moment.

A loud mental switch.The difference between the two approaches of Directing and Coaching is profound. I sometimes think I can almost hear the mental switch that Leader Coaches make when they acknowledge their cognitive dissonance ('I want to solve now to be fast, but I KNOW it's actually the slower option in the long run') and act on it.

Final words and Summary

Coaching feels slow, but results in speed.

A Coach approach feels slow for many new Leader Coaches, because we hand over control of the conversation to the other person. We make an intentional trade-off and embark on a risky conversation journey that is built on the trust that the other person is resourceful. The reward of coaching is the coachee's speed of self-motivated execution. They created their solution. They own it. They run with it.

Directing feels fast, but results in more meetings and rework.Directing and advising feels fast, as we retain control. We are giving in to our primal need to project our value first. We also take away the opportunity for our team member to benefit from the speed of their own motivation. Even for the most self-driven individuals, external ideas will never feel like those they self-developed and fully owned.

However, there is one obvious thing that I have left out so far.

There is one more main reason why coaching may feel slow: poor coaching skills.

Coaching is a professional skill. It follows a specific process and requires that one has mastered a specific range of competencies.

For example,

it means that you have the skill to accurately understanding what the coachee wants and what their exact challenges are.

it means to skilfully co-create laser-sharp agreements that help the coachee focus on what really matters in the very conversation that you are in.

it means to use practiced and proven techniques to help others grow and stay accountable on their own terms.

And that is just a small part of it!

Very few people are naturally skilled CoachesIn my own observations, working with hundreds of Leaders across continents and industries over the last 5 years, I can count less than a handful of Leaders who possessed these skills naturally without explicit training. However, the good news is that it can be learned! I strongly believe and I have seen that every Leader can learn these skills in a matter of just months!

Heads-Up: My next public coaching skills event is coming up!And if you are interested to find out more, I give you a heads-up: I am teaching a slice of coaching skills in my next public LinkedIn event on 18 August, 9pm Singapore time. The exciting topic? "The 2 surefire ways to give feedback without creating backlash!"

Curious? Mark the date/time. I will keep you posted in a week!

p.s. Hope you enjoyed this. As a newsletter subscriber, you get our articles weeks before we publish them publicly, likely on LinkedIn. Please use your power wisely:)

An Inspiring Quote

"You don't need to predict how everything will play out. Just master the next step and continue moving in the right direction." by James Clear

Have a great week ahead!