Stop coaching ghosts!
Focus on coaching the present person, not their absent “ghost.”
Here’s a classic trap for any coach (or leader who coaches).
A team member comes to you venting about their difficult colleague or unreasonable boss.
You get drawn into their story, asking questions about this other person, trying to understand their motives and behaviors.
But in that moment, you're not coaching the person in front of you.
You're coaching a ghost.
I learned this the hard way. Early in my career, I remember spending a full coaching session with a client analyzing their bad Manager and all their faults. A manager who wasn't my client. My actual client (the person I talked to!) left with zero new insight into how they could influence the situation differently with their own tools and resources. I still cringe when I think about it.
The real shift in coaching happens when we focus on the person in the room, the human in front of us. Our curiosity must be directed towards them, no matter how interesting their topic (including the ghosts involved) may be!
Because the person in front of you is the only one you can influence to change!
Have a great week ahead!