Reclaim Your Emotional Remote Control

When someone upsets you, do you say “they made me angry!” (= they remote control your emotion) or do you notice that your emotional reaction originates in YOU? I'd like to share with you this podcast episode that is about taking that remote control back.

Here’s the story:

Early in my leadership days, I wrote what I thought was a perfect manual for my team to handle an SAP tool transition. It was a great manual. And they didn’t use it. I felt resentment and quite a bit of anger. Then I noticed the story in my head: “They don’t respect me.” In the end (and after talking to my team), I was able to replace it with a kinder one: “My manual was outdated the moment is was done and they found better ways and felt not safe to tell me, given the attachment I showed towards what I created.” I felt calmer, and the conversation improved. Eventually, I let go of it and everyone was better off.

That experience led to a simple method I try to use regularly.

➡ Recognizing my trigger Notice the external event - i.e. someone interrupts

➡ Naming my story What's your automatic story? - i.e. they disrespect me

➡ Challenging my story Is it 100% true? What are alternative explanations? - i.e. they are passionate and really want to get an important point across.

➡ Choosing my response Respond, don’t react. Pick the most constructive next step - i.e. instead of flaring up, reply in a composed manner to understand more

➡ Owning my emotion Shift from “He made me angry” to “He did X, and I felt angry.” - i.e. noticed my immediate anger and was able to not express it.

Challenging your story is the key. Ask, “What else could be true?” Try two or three other meanings. Pick the one that helps you move forward and stay composed!

Listen to this lates episode 116 to learn more! I go deeper into my story and share this method with more detail! (it's a concise <12 minutes listen. Enjoy!)