Practicing 'Impathy' first, then Empathy

Recently, I had a conversation with my 12 year-old about empathy for self and others. As I explained it, I realized even adults often overlook that there are these two 'directions'.

Then I uncovered a new term a few days ago in a German podcast: "impathy."

Impathy refers to understanding your own emotions, whereas empathy means understanding others. Both require tuning into feelings - yours or someone else's.

I picture this as two people heading in opposite directions. One explores inward, the other connecting outward. Both are equally important journeys.

It also came to life for me during a disagreement (read - borderline conflict) with a family member. I wanted to empathize with this person, but first, I had to pause and ask myself: What am I really feeling here? Am I in control? Or is something controlling me? Only after identifying and managing my own resentment was I able to address the other person's hurt feelings.

On a broader level, I've noticed when conversations get tense or confusing at work, taking a moment to check in with myself - "What am I thinking/feeling right now?" - creates space for clearer communication. It gives a moment to breath, to 'empty the cup'. From there, I can better understand others too.

So next time you feel tension building in a relationship or conversation, try this:

First, a little impathy - check in with yourself. What emotions are coming up for you? Where might they be rooted?

Then, extend some empathy outward. What might the other person be feeling or needing right now?

By balancing internal and external focus, I believe we can be a lot more receptive and present to what's 'really' going on, just as a trained Leader Coach would do!

How do you practice balancing impathy and empathy, Jennifer? I look forward to learning from you, too:)