Listen to the Words They Choose

Want to truly understand someone? Listen closely, not just to what they say, but how they say it. The words people choose offer valuable clues to their underlying thoughts and feelings. As leaders, we often jump into problem-solving mode, eager to offer solutions. But sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is simply explore the words themselves.

Here's how it works: When a team member shares a challenge, pick a key word that stands out. Instead of immediately offering advice, ask a clarifying question about that word.

Example 1: "Overwhelmed"

Team Member: "I'm feeling completely overwhelmed with this project."

Leader (Instead of): "Let's break down the tasks and create a timeline."

Leader (Try this): "When you say 'overwhelmed,' what exactly contributes to that for you? I would like to understand more."

Example 2: "Support"

Team Member: "I really need more support on this."

Leader (Instead of): "I'll assign someone to assist you."

Leader (Try this): "I get it. When you say 'support,' what kind of support do you mean? Is it technical expertise, additional resources, or something else entirely?"

Example 3: "Stuck"

Team Member: "I'm stuck on this problem."

Leader (Instead of): "Here's how I would approach it..."

Leader (Try this): "Tell me more about 'stuck.' What have you learned from what you tried so far? What's the biggest obstacle you're facing?"

Why This Works:

Exploring words demonstrates genuine curiosity and empathy. It shows you're truly listening and trying to understand the other person's perspective. This builds trust and psychological safety, creating an environment where people feel comfortable sharing their true thoughts and feelings. And often, by simply exploring the words, you empower the other person to uncover their own solutions.

This week, try exploring a key word in a conversation. Listen closely, ask clarifying questions, and see what you discover. You might be surprised by the insights that emerge and how it opens up conversations!