Coaching WITH, Not TO, Someone

Ever heard "That person really needs coaching"? While well-intentioned, this phrase often signals a misunderstanding. It suggests coaching is something done to someone, not with them.

My core belief: Coaching is a partnership.

It's not a top-down fix. Like dancing, it requires two willing participants. If the person being coached (the coachee) hasn't opted in or doesn't want coaching on a topic, the partnership breaks down.

In this partnership:

• The Coach owns the process (guiding, asking, observing).

• The Client (Coachee) owns the content (goals, challenges, solutions).

It’s that simple.

When we hear "This person needs coaching" without their involvement, it often leads to resistance, not real change. They might feel targeted, not empowered. If someone "doesn't want to be coached," it usually means the partnership wasn't established correctly, or they don't see the value for themselves right now.

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking, especially Leaders: "But sometimes I have to bring up a tough topic or a performance issue, even if they don't 'want' it initially." You're absolutely right. There's a necessary nuance here in the leadership context. How do we initiate those conversations effectively while still respecting the principles of partnership?

That’s a great question, and it’s exactly what we’ll explore next week.