How to be firm and kind (at the same time)

One of the hardest things to do as a leader is to look someone in the eye and tell them their behavior is unacceptable - especially when you know they are hurting.

The fear is that if we hold the line, we sever the relationship. We worry that accountability kills connection.

In reality, accountability is a form of connection.

When you hold someone accountable, you are saying, "I respect you too much to let you fail."

This week's lightbulb moment is a direct continuation from last week. I share a simple "AND" framework to give you a starting point to navigate this kind conversation.

It replaces the "BUT" (which negates empathy) with an "AND" (which holds both empathy and standards):

Validate the Emotion: "I can see that you are frustrated/stressed/hurt..."

State the Standard: "...AND, shouting in the meeting is not how we solve problems here."

Pivot to Coaching: "So, knowing that the pressure is high, what is a different way you can express that frustration next time?"

You are not asking them to suppress their feelings. You are asking them to manage their impact.

As the saying goes: 'All emotions are ok, but not all behaviors are ok.'

Lightbulb Moment: You can be an empathetic leader and still fire someone for bad behavior. The two are not mutually exclusive.