Give feedback on things people can do something about!
New at work, I faced lateness. Instead of criticizing, boss questioned time management, enabling me to explain. Feedback on improvable aspect was empowering!
I was really lucky once. I remember a painful day in my first few months in a new job when I was late for a critical workshop day. However, instead of criticising my punctuality as a result of me being new and inexperienced, my boss 'just' asked me some tough questions about my time management afterwards. I felt I was given a fair chance to explain myself.
And: By focusing on my time management, he gave me feedback about an aspect I can actually do something about!
That made a BIG difference!
Example:
❌ 'You were late. I guess it's because you are new in the workforce and in your first year. Let's improve here.'
✅ 'You were late to this important meeting. Let's look at your time management and how you can improve that.'
Getting feedback about something you can't change is as helpful as being told 'grow taller!'. At best, it's deflating and demotivating. At worst, it perpetuates fixed mindsets and stereotypes. Avoid critiques on age, ethnic background, physical traits, innate qualities, medical conditions, and more.
We can focus instead on actionable areas like time management, communication, work quality, professionalism, technical skills, team dynamics, client interactions, problem-solving, or simply effort!
In summary, it reflects one of the most powerful coaching questions I love: "What's in your control to improve here?". It rarely fails to make people think!
Have you ever received feedback on something you CAN'T change?