A Simple Phrase to Reduce

Picture this scenario: You’re reviewing a report from a team member, and the first page has five grammar mistakes. Your instinct might be to say, "I found these grammar mistakes, please fix them right away." It's direct and clear, but it can also come across as critical or bossy, instantly putting the other person on the defensive.

It's a common problem we all face. We spot an issue, and our natural inclination is to tell someone what to do to fix it. But as we’ve all experienced, people often don't like being told what to do. It can trigger a natural resistance, a psychological push-back known as reactance, even when our instructions are helpful and factually correct. The conversation shifts from solving the problem to a subtle power dynamic.

But what if there's a more effective way? What if you could get the same result without triggering that resistance?

The solution is surprisingly simple: instead of telling someone what they should do, just describe what's wrong. State the facts as a neutral observation.

Instead of saying, "Please fix the grammar mistakes," you could say, "I noticed there are five grammar mistakes on this first page." Then wait.

This small change is the lightbulb moment. By simply describing the reality of the situation, you are not issuing a command. You are presenting a fact. This gives the other person the space to see the problem for themselves and, most importantly, to start owning the solution. Their response is no longer about complying with your order; it's about taking responsibility for the objective fact you've presented. It builds their own self-owned commitment to fixing it.

This works everywhere. "There's a wet towel on the floor" mentioned at home to our kids is an observation that invites action, whereas "Put the wet towel away" is a command that can invite conflict. By describing the 'what' instead of dictating the 'how', you empower others, reduce defensiveness, and foster a more collaborative and effective environment.

Here’s a small challenge for the week: Find a low-stakes opportunity to try this!! Instead of telling someone what to do, simply describe what you see.

Good luck