Why are you *really* giving this feedback? + LIVE Coaching on Friday!

Let's check in on our attentions when giving feedback + Announcement for LIVE Coaching on the air!

Hey 👋

I hope you had a productive week.

Here's what this newsletter is about:

A check on our intentions when giving feedback!

ANNOUNCEMENT: I offer free public LIVE Coaching this Friday! Will you be my client,?

Enjoy!

Maik

What's your REAL intent when giving Feedback? 🎯

The 'Radical Candor' model is one of the easiest ways to understand how to improve your own way to give feedback. I was in love with it from the first moment I saw it. It describes in very succinct ways how important it is to combine Directness AND Care when delivering effective feedback.

(Tip: If you are curious, the most time-saving way to learn about the model is to listen to this episode on their podcast: https://www.radicalcandor.com/podcast/podcast-episode-2/)

In this newsletter, I want to focus on the dimension of care. The key ingredient for this is our 'motive' and intent when we give feedback.

I briefly introduce the styles and share my take on typical intentions behind each of them.

1️⃣ MANIPULATIVE INSINCERITYWhen you are not direct and don't care.

With this style, we beat about the bush (i.e. are indirect) AND we do it in a way that disregards the person. It may show as talking badly behind the back of the person or through strong passive aggressiveness.

Some typical motivations for the feedback-giver here are:

'I just want others to know how bad this person is, how incompetent etc. I need to vent to someone.''I will look for someone to share my misery with. It feels goooood.''I am not interested in helping this kind of person. I am sick of always being the one who comes to the rescue.'

'I will talk to them, because I have to. But no point addressing this; they are hopeless anyway.'

2️⃣ OBNOXIOUS AGGRESSIONWhen you are direct at all cost.

In this style, the feedback-giver is direct in a way that the receiver perceives as aggressive. It feels harsh, disrespectful, inconsiderate, impossible to accept.

It's the most typical style of feedback that people complain publicly about.

'I need to win this argument.'

'I want to be right.''I want to save my face in this conversation.''I need to punish this person.'

'I want to see them suffer and feel bad about what they did.'

'They need to learn a lesson not to do that again.'

3️⃣ RUINOUS EMPATHYWhen you want to keep the peace at all cost.

In this style, you exercise the believe that in order for the relationship to stay intact, you must keep your feedback indirect. It's a waste, as the other person likely won't 'get' your point. It is the most frequent error of feedback and it goes largely unnoticed.

'I want to keep the peace here. I already have enough and don't need a fight.'

'I want this to go away without too much noise.'

'I am sure they will get my point, even if I don't spell it out directly.''I'm ok to accept the current bad state. Addressing directly only makes it worse.''I want to avoid embarrassment.'

4️⃣ RADICAL CANDORWhen we are direct, because we care.

In this style, the receiver believes our sincerity that we are on their side...that we give our direct and painful feedback, because we are here to partner and help them, not to prove that they were wrong.

'I am sharing this so they can develop further and learn from it.''Despite what happened, I really believe they can improve.''Deep down I know they want this to work well, too!''I want to help this person, let’s see how we can figure this out.''I want to be their partner in getting out of this.'

🛑 Summary: STOP and check your intent

The next time, you need/want to give challenging feedback to someone, take a moment and ask yourself: 'What is my intent here? Why am I really giving this feedback?'

The truth is:

You cannot hide your intent. It is as visible to the other person as day or night.

The will pick your intent through your way of combining words, intonation and body language. People feel and simply know whether you actually care for them. And that has a great influence about their degree of accepting what you shared. And isn't that what you actually want?

Good luck:)

Get free Coaching from Maik! 🎉

Following the big announcement in the Open House event, I am excited to share that I will run a LIVE COACHING DEMONSTRATION on coming Friday 17th!

Why do I do this?

Create direct coaching value by giving away the gift of coaching to a courageous volunteer!

Create more awareness about what coaching is and is not. It is a very under-utilised tool in most organisations to further agendas around psychological safety, engagement, mental health and diversity inclusion.

are you willing to become my client in this session?

Here are a few details:

The whole zoom session (coaching + some chat) will last about 60min.

I will bring in my full professional coaching process and toolkit to make this a great coaching for you!

You get powerful 30-40min professional executive coaching.

The session is free (!) I typically charge min 300 USD per coaching.

The session will run on Zoom and will be streamed to LinkedIn Live.

You can remain anonymous and never share your real name.

I will only stream my own video. The only person visible at all times will be me/Maik. You will be heard by audio only.

What could be a good coaching topic?

Coaching is a performance acceleration tool for anyone who wants to take their game to the next level. For example:

'I want to become better at managing time and priorities.'

'I want to build new productive habits (or let go of unproductive ones).'

'I want to manage a transition well.'

'I want to communicate something and I don't know how.'

'I procrastinate on something that's very important to me. Help me.'

and so many more:)

If you are curious about this special offer, just hit REPLY to this email and send me a note! We will take it from there!

A final note before we go 🚶🏽

Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.

(Sir Winston Churchill)

Food for thought:

Where in your life would you want to replace 'Fear' with 'Courage'?

What would be the value to you if you achieved that?

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