The trap of positive judgment!
Be mindful of the impact of your words on trust. Choose non-judgmental language that fosters partnership and respect to build stronger connections.
I watched a normal interview this week. At some point, the interviewer said this sentence to their partner:
“You did a good job pointing that out. You are correct here!”
There was a moment of flinching on the other side. Here’s why.
On the surface, the statement is positive and affirming. Dig a little deeper, and it can easily be seen as condescending and judgmental.
Why?
The statement judges the quality of what someone else said. To do this, there must be an underlying assumption: I am actually in a position to judge you, which typically means I lift myself above you.
Now, with high trust between partners, this is usually a non-issue. However, with medium/low trust, this easily becomes a subtle, passive-aggressive power move that can trigger overt or subtle rejection: “Who are YOU to think that you can judge whether I am right or wrong on this?”
A non-judgmental alternative can be surprisingly simple.
“I agree with your view on this.”
The tone here is very different. It is partnering and respectful. We stay with ourselves. Also note: It is a statement that no one can argue with.
It can be small things like this that can erode or build trust between people.
Wish you all the best navigating the next days!