She got angry out of a sudden…NOT

Do you wish you could help others deal productively with uncontrolled emotional bursts?

In this issue, I want to share with you a small mental framework.

When someone around us has a strong emotional reaction, it’s easy to blurt out: “She always gets angry in such an unpredictable way.” or “For no apparent reason, he just walked away from the meeting.“

The truth is, these things are rarely ‘out of nowhere’ or ‘sudden’.

They typically follow one or multiple triggers that set them off.

Here are 5 classes of triggers:

1️⃣ LOCATION(“Whenever i go past my old school, I choke up.“)

2️⃣ TIME (“Don’t talk to me from 5-6am, unless you want carnage!“)

3️⃣ EMOTIONAL STATE(“When I am hungry and decaffeinated, I am on edge.“)

4️⃣ OTHER PEOPLE(“Don’t leave me alone with this person in a meeting. I always say things that I regret afterwards.“)

5️⃣ IMMEDIATE PRECEDING ACTION(“I always get so angry when I catch my office neighbour peek at my screen.”)

Know our triggers is invaluable!

It provides crucial data to either engage in situation avoidance (don’t walk by the donut shop every morning) or situation modification (buy a screen protector to prevent peeks from your colleague).

There’s an important limit though.

This framework is designed to help with emotional bursts by looking at ‘symptoms’ only. Circumventing a trigger does not address the root cause.

And there may be many:

1. Stress, significant life changes, heightened sensitivity

2. Genetics, hormones

3. Lack of sleep, poor diet, no exercise

4. Grief, trauma, depression, disorders

Professional coaching skills only equip to deal with (1), but not the other 3.

The general rule of thumb: As soon as something feels uncontrollable to the coachee (substance abuse or regular unrestrained emotional outbursts, for example), it’s time to seek a professional who is equipped and trained to assist a ‘healing’ process in this area.

I hope this issue helped you to look at emotions in a slightly more informed way! There’s lots of triggers around us and, yes, in YOU!

Best, Maik