Let’s play ‘Name that Emotion!’
Precision in naming our emotions can help regain composure and control. Use the "emotion wheel" to explore and understand your feelings better.
How do you feel?
If you struggle to say something more precise than ‘ok’, ‘bad’, ‘bored’, ‘great’…then I have something for you here today.
Getting to precision on naming our emotion is actually an amazing tool. It’s called ‘cognitive labelling’ and is a technique to help someone regain composure and control when emotions get out of hand.
In all fairness, the initial question “How do you feel?” is a blunt tool that often leads to 1-syllable answers.
A better inquiry could sound like this: “It looks like you have a strong emotional reaction to this. What would you call this emotion?”
This question works very differently. It invites the other person to ‘analyse’ their emotion, almost from a 3rd party perspective. It’s also a very non-judgmental and open way to ask, compared to “Did you just get super upset about this? SERIOUSLY?”
Here’s a Pro Tip:
If the other party struggles to name their emotion, I often consult a simple tool: ‘The emotion wheel’ (or ‘feelings wheel’)
How do you use it?
When someone says “I feel sad“, you can ask them “What kind of sad?“
If they have no response and are at a loss for words, you can either share the wheel directly, or offer choices and see what triggers the other person:
“Is it sad like being lonely? or guilty? or hurt? Tell me more.“
You move from the inside of the wheel to more precise definitions of feelings on the outside.
What to do with it then?
Well, I observed that labelling our feelings this way can help us gain understanding, composure and perspective.
Clarity about the own emotion often lifts the fog that is between now and what needs to happen next.
There are many variants of this wheel on the web…just do a picture search for ’emotion wheel’. I keep these kind of tools handy in a special pictures folder on my phone to whip out with a client if needed.
So, here’s an important question to YOU right now, Maik:
How would you name your emotion right now?
Write it down in the comments. I would love to know! 😃
Update 26 August 2022: There is a follow-up article on thisherewith a fascinating use case of this tool!