How to recognize and deal with Victim words

Here's a great micro-skill of coach-like Managers: they notice and inquire when team members use 'victim words'. Those are words that automatically put someone at the defensive, with supposedly limited or no options.

Here are a few:

"..cannot!"

("I would like to do this differently, but can't.")

"Yes, but.."

("I like your idea, but it won't work in my case.")

"...never"

("Yes, the report is important, but I will NEVER be able to do it alone.")

"Every time..."

("Every time I make a suggestion, it gets shot down.")

"I should..."

("I should really read up the policy, but I don't have the time/capacity.")

"If only..."

("If only IT would work faster, we would meet the deadline for sure.")

"But what if.."

("But what if they come back and have tough questions...?")

What's a productive way of respond?

For example:

⚈ We can point out the unhelpful expression ("You generalized 3 times in the past 5 minutes. Did you notice?")

⚈ We can help the person regain control ("Understood. Sounds tough. So what IS in your own control or influence here?")

⚈ We can encourage a shift in perspective ("I hear your concerns. Let's look at this from a different angle. What opportunities do you see?")

⚈ We can guide them towards solutions ("I understand the challenges you mentioned. What steps can you take to address them?")

⚈ We can offer support and collaboration ("I see you're facing some obstacles. It sounds rough. How can we work on this together to make some progress?")

⚈ We can challenge limiting beliefs ("You mentioned you would never be able to do this alone. I see this differently. I have seen you last year run a similar meeting. Do you remember?")

⚈ We can foster a growth mindset ("Every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow. What can you learn from this situation?")

As a coach-like Manager, your role is to empower your team members, help them find their own solutions, and encourage a mindset of ownership and growth. This can be rough at times, but I feel it's always worth a shot!

Have a successful week!