Are you reacting or responding?

Imagine the following two scenarios:

Scenario 1: Person A gets an email.

The boss asks why the report is late.

A hits 'reply' right away, with anger and disbelief. In the email, A accuses the boss of contradicting themselves and says that they are treated unfairly. It's the boss's fault that the report is late due to unclear instructions. A sends off the email and feels glad they got that off their chest.

A day later, A gets a stern reply from their boss that the response was out of line. A rereads their own email and admits to being a bit shocked about their own tone. The matter turned into a relationship conflict.

Scenario 2: Person B gets an email.

Their boss asks why the report is late.

B notices anger flaring up but then focuses inward and takes two deep breaths. B is still upset and writes a longer email defending the situation.

B then decides to save the email as a draft, gets up, and walks out for 10 minutes. B can feel how walking clears their mind. B sits back at the computer, reads the draft they wrote earlier, and admits to being shocked about their own tone.

B rewrites the email to be more neutral and factual. B sighs in relief that they did not send their first draft.

A day later, B’s boss replies, acknowledging the information and suggesting a meeting to discuss further.

The matter remained a task conflict.

The Take-Away?

Person A reacted.

Person B responded.

The difference between those two is often just two deep breaths to buy yourself time.

What could be a conversation next week in which you want to ensure you respond, not react?