A smarter way to use emotions in Coaching

"How do you feel?"

This is a simple but often overused way to work with emotions in a conversations.

In my recent podcast episode, I introduce a more effective approach to working with emotions. This approach involves recognizing and addressing emotional shifts in a 3-step process: 1️⃣ NOTICE, 2️⃣ SHARE and 3️⃣ ASK:

1️⃣ NOTICE and observe an emotional shift in the other person.

2️⃣ SHARE your observation neutrally, avoiding judgment. Explicitly invite their agreement or disagreement on your observation.

3️⃣ ASK open-ended questions to encourage their reflection about the meaning of that shift.

Applying this process can lead to quick and positive results because people often overlook their own verbal and nonverbal cues. It's a blind spot that we coaches can leverage in a constructive manner.

💡 Here's an example conversation between a manager and an employee:

💬 Manager: "John, during our discussion about the new project timeline, I noticed a subtle change in your tone when you mentioned the upcoming deadline. Your enthusiasm seemed to waver a bit. Did you also notice that?"

💬 John: "Well, I guess you are right."

💬 Manager: "Is there something on your mind related to that new timeline that you'd like to share?"

💬 John: "Well, honestly, yes. I'm a little worried about the tight schedule. I'm concerned that we won't have enough time for all these quality checks."

💬 Manager: "I see. Can you elaborate on what's causing these concerns?"

In this example, the manager effectively acknowledges John's emotional shift (step 1) and invites agreement, communicates the observation without judgment (step 2), and encourages a deeper conversation (step 3). This respectful approach not only allows John to express his concerns but also provides an opportunity for the manager to demonstrate understanding and support, while not letting go.

The likely impact? The Manager is en route to addressing something with John that could have turned into a much bigger problem, concern or even conflict later.

That's the power of this three-step process.

If you'd like to learn more, I invite you to listen to the podcast episode.

It's a 20-minute session focused on practical skill development on exactly this topic!

🎙️Listen to the Podcast Episode