Don't Pluck your Client's Fruits! 🥝🍐🍊

I noticed something again in a coaching conversation this week.

There is a moment when someone is almost there.

They slow down. Their eyes move. They say, "Wait, I think..." and then the sentence is still searching for itself.

That moment is tempting. REALLY tempting.

As a coach, leader, parent, or friend, you can often see the insight before the other person can say it. So you want to help. You summarize it for them. You put neat words around it. You hand it to them.

It feels useful. But often, it is the wrong kind of service.

DON'T PLUCK YOUR CLIENTS' FRUITS

Imagine someone standing under a tree, reaching for a fruit that is just within reach. You can grab it for them. That is faster. It also takes away the small stretch, the ownership, and the joy of getting it themselves.

The same happens in conversations.

If I name your insight, you may agree with me.

If YOU name your own insight, you start owning it.

That is a different experience.

So when you sense a lightbulb moment in someone, try doing less. Stay out of the way.

At the most, you can ask:

"What are you realizing?""What's becoming clear for you?""How would you summarize this in your own words?" Or simply: "What's going on right now for you?"

Then wait.

That waiting can feel inefficient. It isn't. That is where the person turns a vague feeling into language. They internalize. And once they have language, they can use it.

It's something you learn when you coach...you derive lots of joy from other people having aha moments through your nudges. Don't take the best moment away from them!